First post!!

 Hi!

So this is my first post. Isn't this intimidating? I class myself as an old soul, so I am not the biggest fan of social media. It overwhelms me a lot, and I find I make a lot of comparisons and undersell myself. I also waste my life rotting away, scrolling, wishing that I were someone else.

The truth of the matter is that my brain is overwhelmed. Trying to be so many things and wishing to be as perfect as the content that comes up on my screen really IS overwhelming to do. I have lost sight of who I am and my sense of self, so from today, (05/05/25) I am deleting social media and beginning to engage more with creativity and life energy. 

I am starting this blog to try and hold myself accountable and document the positive in my life. Maybe I will use it loads, maybe not at all - who knows? But it is here if I want it, which is comforting to remember.

When I was younger, I used to have SO many hobbies, but I have replaced them with doomscrolling. I love art, reading, writing, penpalling, listening to music, journaling, birds, I LOVE BIRDS, oh, and trees, they are beautiful! This life is made to be experienced, so I want to experience it. I do not want to experience lying in bed all day on my phone, feeling miserable. I feel so good when I am creative, but I don't feel so good when I scroll. So I am consciously making the choice to change my habits and improve.

I am scared that it won't last. Sometimes, I have really bad motivation for things (such as my university work) I leave my deadlines until the last minute then rush my work. This does actually really upset me, as I love my subject and I love writing so why don't I just do it? (The answer is I have become addicted to easy dopamine!) By unlearning to rely on easy dopamine and having to work for it I should have more motivation for difficult things.

2 years ago, I went vegan due to being disgusted by the dairy/egg industry and the cruelty of it. I would say this was one of the hardest choices of my life. I actually cried because I love melted cheese so much. All vegan cheeses tasted shit, I loved M&Ms and the realisation I would never eat them again was uncomfortable. I had the willpower and determination to not cave, as I just reminded myself of why I was doing it. My motivator/goal was that I was so disgusted over the treatment of animals, I wanted to stop supporting industries that cause harm to them. It was one of the best decisions of my life. Not only do I feel nice knowing my money doesn't go to hurting creatures, but veganism is both better for the planet and my health. My addiction to sugar/dairy stopped creating much healthier eating habits, and I very rarely have junk food. Even when I do eat chocolate, it is ethical and healthy, unlike big chocolate companies. Yes, I am paying a little bit more, but workers are getting a fair wage, animals aren't being hurt, and my body is much happier. I would take that over sugary processed junk any day. My point is that if I can do that, I do have the capacity to change my life in other ways, too. I am a lot better than I give myself credit for, and my achievements should be celebrated by me, not ignored. I am proud of myself for going vegan. 

I have ADHD and Autism so it is very easy to get sucked into addictions, my brain craves dopamine. I will make a list of things that give me dopamine that is not social media: the stars, the moon, animals, trees, birds, water, walks, the wind/breeze, music, drawing, writing, reading, talking to friends, tea, poetry, pretty photography, philosophy, learning/education, discussions, street art, dance, singing, cooking, flowers, chocolate, cats, incense, candles, bunny, my mum, the list goes on. I do not need my phone to enjoy things. Be grateful for what I do have in the world around me, and be content with where I am. I literally do have the power to change my life by creating healthy habits rather than unhealthy ones.

I do love computer games, so I need to set some rules so I don't use them to fill my dopamine cup. I am not allowed on games until 2-5pm. This means I get everything I need to get done before I sit and play. Get off games at 10-11pm so that I can go to bed on time and keep a regular sleep schedule. I am not allowed to play games until I have done the dishes, otherwise, they do not get done. NO PICKING GAMES OVER IRL SOCIAL EVENTS (unless I am feeling very drained, then yes, treat yourself)

Okay, I will end this first entry here. onwards and upwards from here!

Love yourself, Courtney